downtime

i am impatiently holding my breath for Jan to get here. what is it about the holidays that i get so worked up about????!??! isn't it supposed to be a happy time that is spent breathing in the new smell of winter, lazily driving through neighborhoods to ooh and ahh over the lights of Christmas....??? but ,alas, i have been spending MY time stressing over what to get everyone and how much to spend (or rather, how little i HAVE to spend this year...lol) and honestly, i am t-i-r-e-d of it ALL already. when did this happen? when did the holidays become a chore?? granted, i LOVE buying for my kids....and i love their faces when they open "just what i always wanted!!"..and i love itwhen they fall asleep clutching that "must have" toy. it all comes back to.......the greatest evil in the world. yep, green backs. george washingtons. franklins, jeffersons. greenspots...whatever you want to call it....it's the money that gets in the way of my "tis the season..". i buy a gift for family wondering is it enough? am i spending too much on one person and not enough on the other?? where is that line in the sand that everyone else keeps talking about??? argh. if only i could go back to being the kid whose only worry was growing up and NOT getting any presents...or having to stay in the kitchen cooking Christmas dinner and not being able to enjoy playing and being lazy...my kiddos look forward to Christmas carefreely (is that a word??) and what i wouldn't give to go back.
at least until January

no good

i am not one of those inherently "do-good" people. i don't automatically put the needs of others before mine, i don't let someone else go first if I were there first, in all honesty, i don't pay much attention to people around me, i don't drop money in the salvation army bucket every time i walk past, i don't buy girl scout cookies, and i never stop at fundraiser car washes......oh get that horrified expression off of your face. while i admit my shortcomings in this area (believe it or not, i have a mile long list of them, but i won't go there today) i will also admit that i wish i were one of those "mommy complex" women...the nurturing type that is always on the look out for a hungry mouth, an empty pocket, a lonely smile. i've noticed that some of my friends are that person. my mother in law is that person. my mother was that person. will i ever get there?? am i too selfish to be THAT person?? now that i've admit how thougtless i AM , here is the good that i do. i say thank you far too often for things that may not even warrant a thank you. i overtip. i open the door for the old lady behind me. i hold the door for the mom with the big stroller and one kid lagging behind. i volunteer at my daughter's school. i give away things that i could probably sell and make decent money on. i hug every kiddo in Brooke's class when i walk her in on Friday morning.....i do an odd assortment of nice things that give me a little bit of comfort that maybe....i'm not all that bad at doing good