ahh i miss this

i spent today much like every other day of my repetitive life. woke up to a hateful alarm clock (which i hit about 5 times b4 i actually decided to force myself out of bed), stepped bleary eyed into the shower for a 3 min quickie (shower that is), threw clothes on and went about dressing my still asleep daughter for school. after wrestling her into clothes that needed to be ironed AGAIN, i mananged to *miracle*, wake her and get some sort of nourishment into her b4 i all but ran out the door at 745. she insisted i walk her in today and SHE HELD MY HAND!!! all the way to class. 3 laps around the walking track, home to get the boy, walmart to spend too much money and home again to stare at a mess that i can't quite convince myself to totally clean. so i sit here documenting it for future generations. *do i get a cookie for this??*
~i get this weird feeling every time i ride pass those small crowds of kids waiting for the school bus every morning. i see those fresh eyed little elementary kids whose head are up in the air and their eyes are clear, as if the world is holding their hand. then i see at the next block, the group of middle schoolers. children stuck in that awkward stage of trying to be cool while at the same time wanting to play "cooties" and run around bare foot and pigtails, but there's a hint of unsureness in the eyes of these. on teh next block, taller kids. high schoolers. in their eyes i see terror, a forced non-chalanceness, and a yearning...for what i don't think any of them can quite put a finger on. i remember each stage of growing up in THAT order. and i look at kids now and it's as if i can read what's going on in their minds, and i feel the utmost sorrow for them. for the confusion and floating feeling that i know they are experiencing. and i wish i could pass on a bit of knowledge to them....not academic, but bits of life that really are important....the things that you either feel happy with or regret 10 years later. the people who you become friends with and the people who you shun. the choices you make and the mistakes you could avoid....if only you were blessed with the insight that comes only with living....longer.
if only we could hold on to the worlds hand for a bit longer like those elementary kids.....life then wasn't complicated. feelings weren't a jigsaw puzzle that always seems to be missing 3 or 4 pieces. if only my eyes could be as clear as my 5 year old daughters. if only my heart were as judgemental as hers (there is no room for such nonsense in hers). if only my hopes and dreams were all still there waiting patiently to be claimed. watching my 5 year old daughter walk in those doors at school every morning i am content....to imagine the possibilities................

No comments: