as i poured my second cup of coffee this morning, a thought breezed across my still fuzzy with sleep mind.....
i've spent my life running from addiction..it runs in my family you know. not running, only the addiction part. and i'm reaching back one generation, but still, addiction is there....i've always been scared of allowing myself to become dependent on "things". same with tylenol, cold medicine, or any over the counter drug, i would rather suffer than take it. my maternal grandfather was (is) a hypochondriac...and i have this silly fear that if i give in to a pain or ache and take medicine, then I will become one in turn. (i'm beginning to realize that this pattern of STRANGE thinking and overanalyzing comes from my PATERNAL grandfather...HAHAHA) anyhow, long story short (as if..hehe) i realized that like it or not, i HAVE inherited some of my family's undesirable traits, but now those traits are in MY hands and i can make them into something good. so i am admitting it to you.
i am an addict.
there it's said and i'm not taking it back.
i give up, i tried not to get hooked on coffee, but i find myself craving that warm vanilla taste every morning. again in the afternoon, and once again arond 4:00(thanks to Delight ok...no dad, i still don't like it black) i neeeeeeed it and i've decided, heck with it and i am NOT giving it up.
i am addicted to cheesy girlie movies with HOT men that i can OOOHH and AHHH and over OUTLOUD and i don't care HOW orgasmic it sounds because, well, i won't go there..
i am addicted to sappy songs about children growing up, about long lost lovers being reunited and about married people actually being happy (a myth and you can't convince me otherwise...)
i am addicted to my kiddos hugs and their laughter.
and i am addicted to not becoming the kind of addict that runs in the family.
~~~~oh, funny thing happened the other day. it was near dark and i was sitting at a red light when i noticed the guy beside me didn't have his lights on. having paid a $40 fine for the same offense once before, i thought i'd be nice and wave to let him know....
well, when i actually LOOKED at him to try and get his attention, his finger was being swallowed by his nose!!! he happened to look at me in that precise moment. (awkward, lemme tell ya! )he was surely embarrassed about being caught digging and I was embarrassed at being caught WATCHING him dig. (a real turn on it was...LOL!) i wonder if HE still flushes with embarrassment when he thinks of being caught...even if he still dwells on "the night i was caught with a finger up my nose"... one thing i learned from this, never pick your nose in public....(carry THAT ditty around in your pocket and pass it on to your children....)