Today marks 10 years.
I know that mentioning it/writing about it/talking about it is depressing to some people.....but it gives ME peace to remember and play those last moments in my head on repeat.....and it was something so significant that changed me...my life....forever, that I can't help but acknowledge it.
TEN years....wow. It's mind boggling how fast it's all gone by. Even more so mind blowing is how I can remember everything....down to the smell of the hotel bed sheets that night....the look on the nurses face when I showed her your Senior picture and begged her to save THAT boy, not the one who was cut up and lifeless...the locks of your hair that were scattered around the hospital bed...the way that hair felt in my pocket everytime I touched it over the next few days....the feeling of desperation that came over me when I woke up to "Blue Christmas" and the sadness I felt when D heard "All by Myself" and told me how he really was...all by himself. The wounds that were so raw and bleeding in that moment have a way of opening up again each year when this week rolls around.
It's been a hell of a week for me....and to end it thinking of you....ten years later....wishing I could be home and sitting next to D and daddy....for no other reason than to know that WE are ok and have made it through another year, healthy and whole.....a mirale in and of itself;)
I miss you as much today as I did that first day. The love has never ended...the thoughts of you never cease. You're always alive in my heart....and I carry your memory with me, hold onto it tightly....everyday.
I miss you Ricky~catch a few balloons from me today;)