we were only freshman

heard a line from a show last weekend that's been stuck in my head ever since. "we're grownups. when did that happen?" weird how time changes you...sure i still like most of the same things i did when i was in high school. i like a comfy pair of shoes.still like to have a nice time with a few friends. still love any kind of ice cream. still love a good book. but time has changed my perspective......i no longer like to wear those shoes until the sole spilts. a good time with my friends doesn't consist of a drink in each hand and 3 or 4 already down. still love ice cream but i can't eat a pint in one setting anymore. good books are still good books.....THAT will never change. things that once made me laugh somehow don't. the funniest people in the world are my kiddos. the songs i like the best are the old ones. i no longer try hard to get people to like me. sure sometimes i feel awkward around new people, but it's not like it use to be. now i look for a way to make BOTH of us more comfortable instead of wondering if my outfit is just right or if i will say something dumb or talk too fast. b/c chances are, i WILL say something dumb entirely too fast!! (that's just the way i am....) and i am starting to see my mom in some of the things i do. i was playng around with Brandon's keyboard the other day and i was watching my hands. i have my mother's hands and i never realized it. mine aren't as scarred as hers were, but they are hers nonetheless. i look in the mirror and finally see what everyone else has seen my whole life. i see her eyes. her smile. her laugh.and sometimes if i look close enough i can see the best in people. just like she did. so maybe i'm not a hopeless case of selfishness. maybe it's just a process. and maybe iam finally realizing that. the other day my daughter said to me(and she says this quite often)..."mommy, you're the bestest mommy in all the world" and i have to be. because that's how she sees me. not bad, not mediocre. the best. and with time's help, i think i am well on my way.

nuthin

don't really feel like writing but u need to know that while i think i'm dying, i am still breathing at least. something about being a woman...or maybe it's just that i'm being a mommy....whenever anything hurts, be it my head, my tummy, my chest or my toenail, i think i'm walking on borrowed time. weird. so i think i had a bad cup of coffee this morn. when i say bad i mean caffeine overload. i think they Quad'd my beans or something, b/c about 10 min after i finshed my cup i had a massive migraine set up camp in my head. not even midol helped. and of course, this on a day that i actually had things to do. then around 5 (i had the joe around 10)...my stomach went to town on me. thought i was going to have to pitch tent in the b'room but took a quick lay down on the couch and felt betta. made eggrolls and had to literally prop myself up on the counter to roll them (btw, i make hella good eggrolls, better than the chinese**ask my hub if u don't believe me) they were yum as usual but the rice was ergh. i used leftover basmati from dinner last night (i made chicken curry) and forgot about the curry seasoning in the rice so i had indian/chinese rice 2nite.
one of the kiddos made a nice little turd in the tub 2nite. YAAYYY another yummy for mommy to clean up! finally got them to clean their rooms GOOD...and after book at bedtime we talked about what they want to be when they grow up....Brooke still wants to be a ballerina and Bub still wants to be a doctor...but this time he wants to go to "mystery places with pirates when he comes home from work with his doctor friends"....lol.....my kiddos are the AB greatest.

sundaysunday....nana nanana

found out what would happen if you left the water running in your kitchen sink for 30 minutes. and i must say that they are rigging up sinks pretty well these days b/c it was nothing like you see on TV....no mess. nothing. so in a way it was a bit disappointing....the water just neatly ran over into the other side of the sink. blahblah
went g'shopping this afternoon and stopped by World Market. i've found the cannister set that i want finally!! i bought the pasta jar and i'll go back next week to but more pieces to the set...really cute, clear glass w/ silver metal labels. clean and neat...kinda the new thing i;m doing w/ my kitchen. it's so hard to decide how to deco my kitchen b/c there are so many diff looks that i like. soooo i've decided to take bits and pieces and mix them all. i want to paint but now brandon is talking about buying sooner than we'd planned so i'm putting THAT on hold. i have a new addiction. drawer pulls. drawer knobs.drawer hardware. whatever u want to call it....i can't get enough! i bought a set on e-bay last month and i found another MATCHING set 2 days ago...hopefully w/in 2 months i'll have enough knobs to cover every drawer. patience is a virtue that i am learning.
killer toothache that's reminding me to make dentist appt's ASAP.
kiddos and i were watching Food Network 2 day and they were inspired. so i let them create their own lunch. they were so excited! as they pulled bread, cheese, mayo, chocolate syrup, and sweet pickle relish from the fridge i wondered if this was such a good idea. but they were beside themselves w/ excitment over their own creations that they ate every last bite. yum

saturday

hole in my head....that's how i feel 2nite. someone has taken an ice pick and jammed it right into my left temple. 3rd day of big red so the headache comes w/ the territory. took the kiddos to sparkleberry fair 2day and had quite a good laugh.....there were sheep and 2 sheepdogs there kinda just running around showing off their talents (it's amazing how the dogs stay so focused when there are hundreds of ppl running around and little kids trying to pet them!) they were doing so well, then one of the sheep escaped from the pack......and took off right through an unsuspecting crowd that were coming around the corner....tootoo funny! you should've seen that psycho sheep running like crazy and scaring this group of teen boys...it's even funnier b/c teen boys are always trying to be "so cool" and there they were squealing over a sheep.so funny.....so the kiddos jumped in this HUGE bouncer and i'm one of those moms that watch E-v-e-r-y move and every expression they make and smile like some crazy woman when they do the exact same thing that every other kid is doing.....it's somehow funnier/cuter when MINE do it! bub actually kept his balance better than he usually does when he's in those things. came home, tried to nap, but between kiddos interrupting me every 5 min and muh man's piano playing, i didn't get a good one. did have a nice dream...in it i was married to brad pitt but he divorced me when i forgot his birthday...fickle man..so maybe it wasn't so nice, but brad pitt was in it......

screwed up

i did something yesterday to my blog template and i can't seem to fix it...grrr....i may have to start over which is really screwed b/c i hate starting anything.over.again.
my man has learned to play "This Year's Love" by David Grey....(in an hours time at that...the marvels of me man)yayyy something i like to listen to...actually he plays quite a bit that i like to listen to, but this is by far my fav so far. next on my list is "Chariot" Gavin DeGraw.
took the dog to the vet 2day b/c the ppl were coming to finally fix the moldy MOULDING on our pantry door and find/fix the leak that was the cause of the moldy moulding. felt really guilty that i was leaving him and he made me feel even more like a heel when i heard him squealing from his cage in the wall. sigh. then when we picked him up (hubb got off early and went w/ us) hobbes got car sick and barfed on my seat...and like all things of a liquid consistency, it drained down between the consol. my gag reflux kicked in and needless to say, hubb had cleaning duty when we got home.
then the storm came. my dear darling little girl helped me gather toys from the back yard in a panic...the wind blew them nearly into our neighbors yard (mind you, we have a privacy fence all the way around the backyard so that was some serious blowing) not 5 min later, it rained. stopped. and that was all of the "nadoes" (as the boy called it). oh and while the girl and i were frantically picking up toys, he was standing in the doorway barking out orders. what a little man he is turning in to
planted the rose bush today but spent the better part of 2day keeping my mind very occupied. this "this time last year" replay is not doing my mind any good so i've forced my mind to think of other things. like if heaven is really like they say it is, i'm sure she and ricky are having quite a bit of fun up there. wonder if they wish we were there as much as i wish they were here?
quite that time o'the month and i am craving brownies. diet out the window (sigh, again) i neeed them NOW! they are still in the box yet i can smell them already. time's a wastin' gotta get to bakin'. (yeah i know it's corny but i needed to get that little ditty off of my chest)

good day

so i found out that i will not die some painful death if i miss as episode of The O.C. altough i do feel a bit of tightness in my chest....maybe that's from holding my breath though, eh? (laugh all u want lil bro). went to Finley park 2day and had a really good time. if you've never been u must go..the waterfalls are amazing and the park is just right for the kiddos. i'm trying to stop w/ all the .....'s and i am having a hard time. i think it drives some crazy that i don't type in proper english so i'm making a little effort to make the reading a bit easier on the eyes.but i refuse to use cap's. too much trouble. after F'Park, we went to EdVenture. i love that place! almost as much as the kiddos do. we had a lot of fun chasing each other w/ the spider in the camp room. last night i started crossing my eyes at bub and it terrified the boy! it was too funny esp b/c he was terrified but kept on asking for more. what a goon. so tomorrow marks the one year anniversary of the day my momma died. there i said it. been keeping very busy this week to keep my mind off of it. one year. 12 months.365 days. seems like yesterday yet seems like a lifetime ago. we're planting a mini rose bush up front to mark the day.i didn't think i could miss anyone more after Ricky...but i was wrong.

on the nightstand

took the kiddos to eat sushi 2day (lucky for me they love sushi)...but now i'm dealing w/ sushi breath...ugh. maybe it was the spicy tuna that did it...or wasabi? who knows, but it's quite the bugger. brandon washed Hobbes 2nite and i had towel duty. well dunno what happened but the dog got sick on me and threw up...barely missed my hand but didn't miss my floor...so i cleaned it up since brandon was brushing his teeth. then he did it again.....on his bed...and once again i had to clean it up. i'm hereby declaring this dog my 3rd child. i feed him, take him to the doc, clean up his poop and pee, and now i'm cleaning up puke. didn't sign up for this. wonder if there is such thing as doggie nannies?? 2morrow i'm meeting a new friend at Pooh park....i'm addicted to the place! then *fingers crossed* i'm taking them to EdVenture on thursday after we go to the park w/ another playgroup we belong to....i love when my week is busy and i have something to do besides stay at home and mommy.....

spazz

ok. so my computer decided to poop on me wed night. my computer's power box blew to bits and the dern thing wouldn't even turn on. so the PC guy (PC Handyman Tom Shull who is amazing and cheap and i will pass on his # all u need to do is ask) came out friday and had the wrong part w/ him. rescheduled and he came 2day and fixed her up. so i'm BACK.yehaw. but in place of my computer being dwn i have felt like horsepoo the past few days....felt kinda fluish and just yuck. really need to get to the doc for a checkup. took the kiddos to a really neat park yesterday and halk hiked through the woods...didn't finish b/c we were by ourselves. this morn bubba said something really cute.....i always hug him and ask,"what would i do without you my little??" (little is my pet name for him) he hugged me back and said, "mommy you would just fall on your head!" then he laughed like he had made the funniest joke in the world! it was too cute. read another book and currently working on 2...yes TWO...others.....i discoverd Neil Gaiman andi am tearing through everything of his that i can.. he paints a beautiful and imaginative picture in every book he writes. taking Hobbes to the vet 2morrow....and hopefully meeting some other mommies at the park on Wed.....right now i just need to get rid of this headache that i've been carrying around the past 2 months. 5 days to a year.

~starry surprise~

OMG! was anyone else blown away by AI 2nite? for once i can't decide who i want to leave... Anwar blew me out of the water 2nite....contrary to the judges opinion, i think Carrie was WOW...surprisingly Anthony shocked my pants off, but have to say Constantine was my fav of the night. he blew my socks off!! so, now that i'm blown straight into the water and almost naked, how was my day? i took the kiddos to this children's garden called Pooh Park...which, btw, is this park is incredible.. .going back friday on a picnic *hopefully*...joined a group of SAHM's in NE columbia so some of us are planning on meeting there.....hope it dries up b4 then. 2morrow is Brandon's b-day.....he'll be 28!!!!!!!!!! omg. i remember when he was 13....too funny...we're getting OLD. guess it had to happen someday......will post 2morrw gotta wrap this up b/c the storm here is freaking me out. gotta light some candles or something

stuck

something is stuck in my throat and has been for 5 days. driving me crazy...tv talk....d'housewives last night was soso. the gaby/carlos thing is great....keeps me on the edge wondering what's going to become of these 2...esp now that she's preggo! (with the gardeners baby?????hmmmm) grey's anatomy...not enough Dempsey air time last night, but the show was good. liking this show better than ER....bit more laughs inside all the drama which makes for a nice watch....you get even more blood/surgery action, but you're brought right back from the brink of pukedom w/ a quick quip...wait. wasn't this how ER started? hmm fingers are crossed that G'anatomy will stay around for quite a long time. season finale of Lost is this week...i skip some episodes but will def tune in for this one. i have a lot of unanswered Q's...kinda like everybody else in the world hmm? taking the kiddos and the dog for a walk to the park~~~

recent reads

Something Borrowed by Emily Giffin
Best American Nonrequired Reading

Stardust by Neil Gaiman

aggravation

spent yesterday updating my computer....and trying to get the dern thing back online....i d'loaded a new version of NIS and from that moment on (Friday evening) I couldn't get online....grrr thought it may have been the storm that messed up w/ the server....then found out it was b/c i downloaded the new thing. all's well now *fingers crossed*. so, talked to my brother yesterday and he's may come for a visit this summer if he doesn't go on vacation w/ his g'friends family *fingers crossed that he doesn't...lol* really need to see him and think i am going to go crazy if i don't b4 Father's Day, which, btw, i am taking another 10 hour trip to Ms....was going to fly but ticket prices have gone UP, my guess due to GAS PRICES...tonight is a new d'housewives AND grey's anatomy!!! yipeeeeee....my fridge is full of leftovers...yep, i know what we're having for dinner! also, anyone feel like making a trip to SC to loan me a truck?!?! (need you dad...lol) brandon and a friend tried putting it 2gether yesterday but the pieces didn't fit...hrmmmm....so i have to take it BACK to the store and stuff another one into my jeep...which is NOT fun to do b/c once it's in i can't see the road and i have to stay in one lane no matter how slow it is moving or else i could run right over someone. THEN unloading it is quite a booger. someone HELP! still working on Stardust it is such a good book! i can not stress how beautiful this story is! you must read

weird

ok, so i can't get the pics any bigger. this is driving me crazy trying to fig out how to make my pics bigger...all i can tell you for now is to click on the pic and you'll be directed to Image Shack....click on the pic there and it'll be bigger. argh. i'll figure this out. eventually. working on a new book "Stardust" by Neil Gaiman. reminds me of English Lit....but written in the 21st century. it's vivid and magically written....the man is gifted in prose....i think i am putting this one in the top ten i've ever read...taking a bit longer to read b/c it's actually WELL written and i don't want to miss a line! if you like The Brothers Grimm, you'll like this one. now, spent yesterday morn on the phone w/ a guy from St Leo's...i am planning on beginning online courses this August....applying under Lib Arts...wanna get all the basics out of the way b4 i decide exactly what i want to major in, but i have a pretty good idea (no, not telling in case i DO change my mind) btw, DARYL, if i can do this w/ 2 kiddos @home....get off your bum and do it to~i know you can and i believe in YOU! love youuuuu...hey ginger~ ride him about going back to school ok!!!? started crying in the car this morn on the way back from the post office b/c i miss ya so much~you realllly need to find a job closer to me and move your bootie this way. or visit, which ever's easier.....Brandon went in earlier 2day so i'm sure he'll get off earlier~yehaw~!!

the fam

peel me off this chair

can someone tell me if it's tacky to buy birthday presents on ebay?? not that i care...just ummmm a friend wants to know!!! hehe.....cleaned my entire house yesterday so 2day i am feeling like a really accomplished gal2day! the girl's room is TOTALLY organized and the boy's room has never looked better....freaked the dog out b/c he doesn't like when i move furniture around. he spent 30 minutes sitting in front of the boy's doorway barking at a bookshelf that i pulled out of the closet. if you can call his high pitched squealing barking. too funny. the dog has officially taken my place in bed next to my hubby. went to sleep and he was curled around the dog....all cuddled up nice and cozy. nice surprise when i woke up and found his arm around meeeeee...and the dog on the FLOOR. score one for wife! then Brandon woke up and put the dog back on the bed so maybe his cuddle mistook me for the dog...lol...on my nightstand: >"Funny in Farsi ; A Memoir of Growing Up Iranian in America" by Firoozeh Dumas really good book. Recommend it to ANYONE! really into bios...wonder how i have time to read so much? i'm a "speed reader" and i can read a good book in just a few hours....lucky for me eh?

cuties

crazy world

this is my response to a post i read 2day from a group of SAHM's that i belong to....I remember a time when my mom left our windows open at night and our back door unlocked....when my grandparents NEVER locked their door....when my mom left my brothers and i playing in the front yard and we didn't even have a fence! i live in paranoia that someone will take my kiddos or that someone will hop in my car and we'll never see the ppl we love again. I check and REcheck my windows at night and on TOP of the security system, i have window locks that i bought at Home Depot installed on my babies windows (and they sleep UPstairs)..sometimes i feel a twinge of regret at having babies just b/c of this crazy world that i have to bring them up in....and i wonder what it'll be like when THEY are my age and having babies. scary. am i the only crazy one here?? kiddos are out back right now playing on the swingset that my hubby and i couldn't finish putting 2gether b/c i am too short to hold the dern thing up! bless their hearts....they have the swing seat on the ground are pretending they are flying through the air...weeeeeeeing and everything! silly goons. finished a book 2day "Something Borrowed" by Emily Giffinone of the better fiction books that i've read lately. somewhere along the lines of shopaholic books so of course i loved it....if you've ever stolen a boyfriend or ever felt next best, this book is for you...listening to The Best of Keith Whitley...this voice is a huge part of my childhood. my daddy listened to him when i was little and i remember holding a hairbrush standing on our fireplace singing along to Keith Whitley. found THIS cd on EBAY....for 95 cents...woohoo...but thinking this is my find for the year since i have been searching for a KW Cd for several years.

down

feeling a bit out of sorts 2day. can't stop thinking about mom....keep thinking that this time last year
my mom only had a little over two weeks to live and i was living my life like she would never die. bothers
me to no end. i called her everyday even though all i could understand was *i love you too*...that was enough.
if only i could hear her mumble that again. i was there the entire week before she died...and i never talked to her
about dying...almost as like if i talked about it with her, i was giving her permission to die. silly i know, but i guess
no matter how it all ended, i would have regrets. the last word i heard her say was my name......when dad came to lead me out of the hospital all i did was give her a little hug and kiss and say i'll be back tomorrow. if i'd known that
15 minutes down the road we'd be called back b/c she was GONE, i wouldn't have left. i'd have hugged her tighter
looked at her longer. something. ANYTHING. augh i am going crazy 2day. if you can get to her, go hug yours
today. call her and tell her how much you love her. tell her she's the most beautiful woman in the world. hold
those hard worked hands and kiss them....tell her you're sorry for all the times you never said thank you. ask her to
hold you on her lap one more time in her rocking chair even though you're bigger than she is...think of all the things
you would say once she's gone...and say them now.......i miss you mom!!!!!!!

drooling

sooo drooling over Patrick Dempsey....grey's anatomy is eye candy!!!!!!! now lemme set ya straight right off, i'm no dempsey band wagon gal....i've always had a celeb crush on Mr Dempsey....and I FINALLY get to see him looking yummilishus every week instead of watching JFK , sweet home alabama, me and willy, and tv reruns over and over (which i WILL continue to do...hehe) ahhh he makes me drool and squeal like a school girl........ahh know what i'll be dreaming 'bout 2night..........D'Housewives was good 2night......waiting for a new twist though....anyone have a scoop, lemme know!!!!!!!!!!!! now, i'm going to bed to drown myself in Dempsey drool

scrape me off this floor

...why is it whenever the slightest thing feels different in my body i just know i am about to keel over...felt tightness in my tummy and got icredibly dizzy and just knew i was on my way to the morgue.....always forget what gas feels like until i have a gas problem.......anyone get hooked on Grey's Anantomy last week? the TV stays on ABC every Sunday night....from 7 (AFV)...8(X-makeover home)...9(D'Housewives) and 10 (G'Anatomy)...I am another fixture in the living room.....there for no other reason then to watch TV. leave me alone, go away....hopefully they'll keep the news at 11 so i can get some sleep.............finished my book 2day (The Journal of Mortifying Moment by Robyn Harding) very funny and i recommend it for a good laugh(esp mortifying moment #9)...was in TEARS by the end of this book.....the style reminds me of Shopaholic books (Sophie Kinsella i believe)....which i recommend alsoooo....had red beans and rice 2night and spent most of dinner picking out the peppers and onions from Brookes...she's such a picky eater and i believe she thinks she'll die a horrible green particle death if she accidentally gets one caught in her mouth...oh the joys of parenthood....the swingset is STILL sitting in its' box in the backyard..need to get off my bum and buy a wrench so i can think about putting it together....thinking of adding celeb stuff to my page (i'm addicted to a blog called *pink is the new blog*...and it's really cool) so if i am about to start advertising on here, i'd better find something to keep ya'll coming back.......we'll seeeeee

?what am i doing

ok. so i can't fig out how to write AND post a pic on here together, but i'll get there. swear i'm wishing i had've taken that xtra comp class in high school....now i'm reduced to checking out books from the library on how to create my own page....wanted it to be easy to learn so i got the website for dummies book....may as well be a greek novel.....sigh. getting there slowly. said all that to say this, i wanted everyone to see what a cutie muh lil man is...a friend took this pic (T'Y samantha!!) at an egghunt and i loved it! he's mad at me b/c he thought he had water in the cup, instead it was sprite....love his little yoda ears.....nothing exciting happened 2day....grocery shopping @wallyworld and 4got to pay for some pics that i had developed.....before you cuff me up, i DID NOT DO IT ON PURPOSE! you try getting out of that store w/ 2 kiddos stuffed in a buggy w/ bags and never 4get to put something on that belt. saint i ain't but i am going back 2morrow to pay for them......hubby went BACK to the hospital for his pesky pnemothorax....wish to GOD they'd fix him up............dad A'Fool'd me 2day, called to tell me he traded his truck in on a new mercede's SUV.....granted, doesn't sound like a good A'Fool's, but i'm so gullible....he got a good laugh anyhow. now, gotta find a pic of my grrl to show off on here......

the boy