4.30.2005

we were only freshman

heard a line from a show last weekend that's been stuck in my head ever since. "we're grownups. when did that happen?" weird how time changes you...sure i still like most of the same things i did when i was in high school. i like a comfy pair of shoes.still like to have a nice time with a few friends. still love any kind of ice cream. still love a good book. but time has changed my perspective......i no longer like to wear those shoes until the sole spilts. a good time with my friends doesn't consist of a drink in each hand and 3 or 4 already down. still love ice cream but i can't eat a pint in one setting anymore. good books are still good books.....THAT will never change. things that once made me laugh somehow don't. the funniest people in the world are my kiddos. the songs i like the best are the old ones. i no longer try hard to get people to like me. sure sometimes i feel awkward around new people, but it's not like it use to be. now i look for a way to make BOTH of us more comfortable instead of wondering if my outfit is just right or if i will say something dumb or talk too fast. b/c chances are, i WILL say something dumb entirely too fast!! (that's just the way i am....) and i am starting to see my mom in some of the things i do. i was playng around with Brandon's keyboard the other day and i was watching my hands. i have my mother's hands and i never realized it. mine aren't as scarred as hers were, but they are hers nonetheless. i look in the mirror and finally see what everyone else has seen my whole life. i see her eyes. her smile. her laugh.and sometimes if i look close enough i can see the best in people. just like she did. so maybe i'm not a hopeless case of selfishness. maybe it's just a process. and maybe iam finally realizing that. the other day my daughter said to me(and she says this quite often)..."mommy, you're the bestest mommy in all the world" and i have to be. because that's how she sees me. not bad, not mediocre. the best. and with time's help, i think i am well on my way.

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