downtime

i am impatiently holding my breath for Jan to get here. what is it about the holidays that i get so worked up about????!??! isn't it supposed to be a happy time that is spent breathing in the new smell of winter, lazily driving through neighborhoods to ooh and ahh over the lights of Christmas....??? but ,alas, i have been spending MY time stressing over what to get everyone and how much to spend (or rather, how little i HAVE to spend this year...lol) and honestly, i am t-i-r-e-d of it ALL already. when did this happen? when did the holidays become a chore?? granted, i LOVE buying for my kids....and i love their faces when they open "just what i always wanted!!"..and i love itwhen they fall asleep clutching that "must have" toy. it all comes back to.......the greatest evil in the world. yep, green backs. george washingtons. franklins, jeffersons. greenspots...whatever you want to call it....it's the money that gets in the way of my "tis the season..". i buy a gift for family wondering is it enough? am i spending too much on one person and not enough on the other?? where is that line in the sand that everyone else keeps talking about??? argh. if only i could go back to being the kid whose only worry was growing up and NOT getting any presents...or having to stay in the kitchen cooking Christmas dinner and not being able to enjoy playing and being lazy...my kiddos look forward to Christmas carefreely (is that a word??) and what i wouldn't give to go back.
at least until January

no good

i am not one of those inherently "do-good" people. i don't automatically put the needs of others before mine, i don't let someone else go first if I were there first, in all honesty, i don't pay much attention to people around me, i don't drop money in the salvation army bucket every time i walk past, i don't buy girl scout cookies, and i never stop at fundraiser car washes......oh get that horrified expression off of your face. while i admit my shortcomings in this area (believe it or not, i have a mile long list of them, but i won't go there today) i will also admit that i wish i were one of those "mommy complex" women...the nurturing type that is always on the look out for a hungry mouth, an empty pocket, a lonely smile. i've noticed that some of my friends are that person. my mother in law is that person. my mother was that person. will i ever get there?? am i too selfish to be THAT person?? now that i've admit how thougtless i AM , here is the good that i do. i say thank you far too often for things that may not even warrant a thank you. i overtip. i open the door for the old lady behind me. i hold the door for the mom with the big stroller and one kid lagging behind. i volunteer at my daughter's school. i give away things that i could probably sell and make decent money on. i hug every kiddo in Brooke's class when i walk her in on Friday morning.....i do an odd assortment of nice things that give me a little bit of comfort that maybe....i'm not all that bad at doing good

old friends...still.....friends??

i have this....friend. we've been friends since i can remember. growing up we did everything together.... from sharing the same bed, skipping school, reading (and enjoying) the same books, sharing clothes, you name it, we did it... together. so i moved away the summer of my junior year and things really haven't been the same since. as expected, we grew apart. she married and divorced my cousin (who was ALSO part of our BFF trio...) and now she's dating/living with/engaged (whatever) to this guy that we knew in high school. i'm married, living in SC, have two kiddos, and we write, sporadically. (well, i write) and every once in a while, i get a nice surprise in the mail. now, my question/problem, whatever you want to call it (as i have no definition for it) is this......why am i holding on to a ghost of a friendship?? i have asked myself this time and again (as in, everytime i sit down to write her and everytime i stick that stamped envelope in the mailbox) and the last time we saw each other, she introduced me to someone as "my best friend". admittedly, it was awkward for ME to hear that as we really don't KNOW each other anymore. i know she likes sushi, i know she is a clotheshound (enviably so as she has an amazing sense of fashion...Carrie Bradshaw sense, you know...and i think she's blessed for it! since i have enough fashion sense that it could fit into my pinky finger...) i know she likes a good book (although i no longer know the latest genre she's in to) i know she has amazing green cat eyes and i know her smile is reminiscent of Cameron Diaz. other than that, i know nothing about her. and in a way it makes me sad. on the other hand, she knows nothing about me (other than i love to read, eat too much (still!!) love to sing at the top of my lungs, and that i also love sushi, oh and the fact that i have little fashion sense...haha!!) what i WISH she knew about me could fill a novel..(a series to be exact...) other than knowing my kiddos names, she knows nothing else about them. she knows that Brandon and i had the ROUGHEST of first years of marriage (as she was privy to more than she should've been, my fault there...) but what she doesn't know is what bugs me. the fact that my kiddos are wonderful and sweet and smart....she doesn't know ANY of the funny things they say and do on a daily basis, she doesn't know that while Brandon and I still have our problems, we are happy and we are finally doing well.....she doesn't know that my dog is the bane of my existence (most days) and she doesn't know the names of any of my friends. i miss her and her fat smile laugh. i miss the way we could be corny and sing the wrong words to a song (and still INSIST we have it right..) i miss the way she would raise her eyebrow when she didn't agree with you or just thought you did something really stupid. i miss, the old us. and i guess thats why i write. i am trying to hold on to a ghost of a ghost, and it's not easy to do. but she is the one part of my past that i can't seem to let go of and frankly, no matter how many times i tell myself i should, i don't want to. yesterday was her birthday....so happy birthday to my old friend.....

tomorrow IS another day

i had the third worst night of my LIFE last night (but i am ALIVE to tell of it) although, i WON'T tell too much because, frankly, it's not much of your business now is it? (yes, can you tell i am working on a total of about 1 hours sleep last night???? not to mention constant porcelain prayers and the beating that my bum took last night. arghhhh i am mentally and physically drained (but only a handful of you will get to hear about whhhhyyyy and i know the suspense is wearing at you like a rat gnawing on a piece of wood....)
my boy swallowed a MARBLE last night and i spent my time between 7 and 11 sufficiently freaked, wondering if the thing would roll back up (as marbles DO roll you know) and choke him. my fears were put to rest though when i heard a little *ding* in the pot this morning. and my boy is fine.
funny though how when it feels like your world is falling apart, a snuggle with your baby can make you feel so much better. just thought i'd write that down so I would remember it in case of disater.....
gotta scoot, boy is out of storytime and i have a most IMPERATIVE visit to the bathroom that i need to get to....
toodlesssss

moving on?

so my dear ole husband has ANOTHER job offer. this time in Houston, Tx. he had his phone interview this morning and he said it went great and that they asked how far in advance would he need to know if he could come out to Tx for a sitdown. (he said a week) now, my Q was, so will they also fly your family out?? (my fingers are crossed here b/c i don't want to end up MOVING somewhere in which i have never even been. (only seen pix of and quite frankly, that spaghetti mesh of interstates terrify me, so i can only IMAGINE what they will do to my no sense of direction husband~~) luckily, on THIS end, i clean house for a lady who is straight out of Houston, so maybe i can get a few tips from her if the time actually comes that i need them....but trying not to think so much about THAT just yet. although i already AM stressing about leaving the few really great friends i have made since i've been here. one in particular i feel extremely close to b/c we have (almost eerie) so much in common.....i got super lucky in finding her and i i DON'T want to (or think i even COULD!)find a Tx replacement for her.......wahhhhhh!!!!

the kids have a new fav song and they have been singing it almost non stop and it's too funny....it's the BEP song (Humps) and they sing the "she's got me spending.....oh spendingall your money on me and spending time on me...."!!! too cute!!!

arghhh have ta go, my bladder is about to pop....

admitted addict

as i poured my second cup of coffee this morning, a thought breezed across my still fuzzy with sleep mind.....
i've spent my life running from addiction..it runs in my family you know. not running, only the addiction part. and i'm reaching back one generation, but still, addiction is there....i've always been scared of allowing myself to become dependent on "things". same with tylenol, cold medicine, or any over the counter drug, i would rather suffer than take it. my maternal grandfather was (is) a hypochondriac...and i have this silly fear that if i give in to a pain or ache and take medicine, then I will become one in turn. (i'm beginning to realize that this pattern of STRANGE thinking and overanalyzing comes from my PATERNAL grandfather...HAHAHA) anyhow, long story short (as if..hehe) i realized that like it or not, i HAVE inherited some of my family's undesirable traits, but now those traits are in MY hands and i can make them into something good. so i am admitting it to you.
i am an addict.
there it's said and i'm not taking it back.
i give up, i tried not to get hooked on coffee, but i find myself craving that warm vanilla taste every morning. again in the afternoon, and once again arond 4:00(thanks to Delight ok...no dad, i still don't like it black) i neeeeeeed it and i've decided, heck with it and i am NOT giving it up.
i am addicted to cheesy girlie movies with HOT men that i can OOOHH and AHHH and over OUTLOUD and i don't care HOW orgasmic it sounds because, well, i won't go there..
i am addicted to sappy songs about children growing up, about long lost lovers being reunited and about married people actually being happy (a myth and you can't convince me otherwise...)
i am addicted to my kiddos hugs and their laughter.

and i am addicted to not becoming the kind of addict that runs in the family.

~~~~oh, funny thing happened the other day. it was near dark and i was sitting at a red light when i noticed the guy beside me didn't have his lights on. having paid a $40 fine for the same offense once before, i thought i'd be nice and wave to let him know....
well, when i actually LOOKED at him to try and get his attention, his finger was being swallowed by his nose!!! he happened to look at me in that precise moment. (awkward, lemme tell ya! )he was surely embarrassed about being caught digging and I was embarrassed at being caught WATCHING him dig. (a real turn on it was...LOL!) i wonder if HE still flushes with embarrassment when he thinks of being caught...even if he still dwells on "the night i was caught with a finger up my nose"... one thing i learned from this, never pick your nose in public....(carry THAT ditty around in your pocket and pass it on to your children....)

where's the tech?

arghh. i've been fine the last few months computerless, but i am beyond frustrated now. i'm (this) close to calling my computer guy and just buying ANOTHER powerbox (that will prob blow again within a month, mind you, but will giveme access to MY computer AT HOME for that month anyhow....) .......big red is about to visit and is not being nice on the nerve endings. the hub is driving me crazy (crazy like finger nails scraping down the chalkboard), the dog (nothing new here) is still caught in the middle of love/hate in my brain...weighing the odds of giving in and actually LIKING the dern mutt, kids......are KIDS!!! but THEY are the one (two) things that i don't really MIND driving me crazy because i luuuurve them and, well, they are kids and that's what they are supposed to do (not to mention, they poop in the pot, put their own clothes in the basket, rake their own dishes out, and give me out of the blue baby loves, so maybe that helps...) all i need 2day was to add some sort of worry to my life, the 100 house i clean for called yesterday and left a message saying "i'm on my way to the mountains and i will call you when i get back on Mondday" why did she call?? did i do something wrong?? AM I FIREDDDDDDD!??? or does she just want me to give her my amazing recipe for eggrolls??? ahhh the inner workings of a mind on the edge. now i'm dying for Mon to get here so I can call first thing that morn and not interrupt her mini-vacation. T'giving coming up and the ENTIRE in'law family is coming in.....sis inlaw wants to go to Biltmore, but i really don't want to spend 40 bucks on a big museum that i've already been to. and MIL doesn't want to go b/c it will take an ENTIRE day away from the kiddos (who she only gets to see once every 4 months or so....) (yes, the men are expected to stay here w/ them as the kids would go insane with boredom (as will i most likely)).......once again,. my worry itch has kicked in full force. although it would be cool for the kids to go to the wooden McD's w/ the "magic piano again.....hmmm
ok, i'm bored of typing so, until next time, this is Alisha, signing off for WLMTHA!!!!!! (don't ask)

you can never go back, but do you ever really leave?

back home. that's still a phrase i use to describe the place i left when i married Brandon. home was a red brick house with green shutters in a small subdivision on the outskirts of Grenada. home was a "double living room" that had once been half a garage but had the wall knocked out to add on to the living area. home was an electic mix of furniture that usually didn't match, orange shag carpet that was a backache to vaccuum, spaces full of what nots that never seemed to be dusted well enough. a cramped bathroom that 5 of us shared. the kitchen. oh that kitchen. my favorite room in the house because of the many laughs housed in that small room...oh the money i would give to have just ONE more meal at that table. mom cooking enough to feed half an army and dad telling funny stories that we've heard too many times to count but for some strange reason they would elicit the biggest belly laughs from each chair. i can close my eyes and picture it as yesterday. but i can't go back. physically......but funny how my heart, although it's here in my own home with my own children....a big hunk of my heart still walks in that sliding glass door and sits down at that old table....laughs again at my dad...i roll my eyes as Ricky stuffs too much food into his mouth.....i watch my mom get everyone settled with all the food on the table and i watch her stay busy even as everyone else has started eating. she finally sits down with one leg tucked in under her bottom.......my first family. my home. for better or worse it will always have that piece of me, and i will always have a piece of it..........and i carry it everywhere i go....

tomorrow would be my mom's 44th birthday....so here i say to her, i miss you more than my heart allows me to admit and more than my tears can release. i love you mom

ahh i miss this

i spent today much like every other day of my repetitive life. woke up to a hateful alarm clock (which i hit about 5 times b4 i actually decided to force myself out of bed), stepped bleary eyed into the shower for a 3 min quickie (shower that is), threw clothes on and went about dressing my still asleep daughter for school. after wrestling her into clothes that needed to be ironed AGAIN, i mananged to *miracle*, wake her and get some sort of nourishment into her b4 i all but ran out the door at 745. she insisted i walk her in today and SHE HELD MY HAND!!! all the way to class. 3 laps around the walking track, home to get the boy, walmart to spend too much money and home again to stare at a mess that i can't quite convince myself to totally clean. so i sit here documenting it for future generations. *do i get a cookie for this??*
~i get this weird feeling every time i ride pass those small crowds of kids waiting for the school bus every morning. i see those fresh eyed little elementary kids whose head are up in the air and their eyes are clear, as if the world is holding their hand. then i see at the next block, the group of middle schoolers. children stuck in that awkward stage of trying to be cool while at the same time wanting to play "cooties" and run around bare foot and pigtails, but there's a hint of unsureness in the eyes of these. on teh next block, taller kids. high schoolers. in their eyes i see terror, a forced non-chalanceness, and a yearning...for what i don't think any of them can quite put a finger on. i remember each stage of growing up in THAT order. and i look at kids now and it's as if i can read what's going on in their minds, and i feel the utmost sorrow for them. for the confusion and floating feeling that i know they are experiencing. and i wish i could pass on a bit of knowledge to them....not academic, but bits of life that really are important....the things that you either feel happy with or regret 10 years later. the people who you become friends with and the people who you shun. the choices you make and the mistakes you could avoid....if only you were blessed with the insight that comes only with living....longer.
if only we could hold on to the worlds hand for a bit longer like those elementary kids.....life then wasn't complicated. feelings weren't a jigsaw puzzle that always seems to be missing 3 or 4 pieces. if only my eyes could be as clear as my 5 year old daughters. if only my heart were as judgemental as hers (there is no room for such nonsense in hers). if only my hopes and dreams were all still there waiting patiently to be claimed. watching my 5 year old daughter walk in those doors at school every morning i am content....to imagine the possibilities................

out of pocket, out of mind. literally

my computer farted big time on me this time and i (obviously)haven't been posting for way too long. (sorrrrry) but since the big boom, i have discovered something equally as interesting as blogging and web surfing. brace yourself. it's a little something i like to call, my life! yes, i have taken it back, reclaimed it from the world of .coms and .orgs. sigh. but i do miss my little bit of space i guess.
my kiddos are great. brooke had a birthday on the 20th and we went to see Charlie and the Chocolate factory (which is a fantastic must see!) see also got way too much stuff and i had to do a room overhaul to magically create some more space. she starts school on Monday and i am going to do my BEST not to cry at least until i walk out of her classroom Monady morning. i am reading a book, The Wonder of Girls, and i have to stop every bit because i cry! i am taken back to when i was young and the same feelings that i had when i was growing up.....the book reminds me that while i was once there, i have forgotten what it was really like to be her age. i know what lies ahead for her and her tender girls heart. .....ok i am way sentimental right now, so onto the boy. he will turn 4 on Tuesday and we are going to the museum to celebrate. my boy is growing too.......how do i stop the clock.......the days are sooo long, but those years.....they are far too short.

ok, i'm off, but now you nkow i am alive and i am well.....

i will say bye until some other time.....

tug'o war times two

dinnertime. Tarzan 2 in the DVD player. one kid is hungry (but only for mac n/cheese, extra milk please) , the other not (or too engrossed in his new movie to give his growling stomach a second thought). and me. the mom , torn between wanting to enjoy my hot bowl of food and wanting them to sit at the table sans any arguments (which doesn't allow for hot food). within the span of 4 minutes, i've (1) told the boy to get his bum at the table (NOW!), (2) the girl that no i will not warm her mac up, (3) the boy that he can sit in the living room but will have to finish his food sometime tonight or he won't get any popcorn during our Sat night movie, (4) the girl that no nana didn't make her mac with milk like mommy does and she'd better hush her whining or SHE won't get any popcorn, (5) revert to telling the boy that he better get his tail in his chair right this minute (or it's the room for you!), (6) back to telling my girl that if she'll hush i WILL put milk in her mac, (7) BACK to telling the boy that he's getting a spanking (and then, actually following up on that), listening to him cry at the dinner table, putting the movie on pause and...quiet. (why didn't i think of THAT in the first place??) all the while my MIL sat across from me prob thinking i am one spatic mom who can't make up her mind on how to control her grandchildren, my husband sat there pretending he can't hear a thing, and the dog making his rounds at the table begging for food. it's a constant tug of war in my head on how to properly discipline my children, and when i DECIDE on how to handle a situation, i usually feel like i messed up somehow. it's as if i forget how i handled the exact same situation the day before and i have to start all over again. on one hand i think i'm not hard enough (my stop that right now's! and 'one more time!!' warnings have started to wax cold...) and others, i think "oh my God, i have turned into some maniac monster mom that my kids will blame all of their shortcomings on someday. thing is, you never read about these moments in those new mommy books. they don't warn you that once you become a parent, you begin to doubt and second guess virtually everything you say and do. if i get mad at the driver in front of me and say something as simple as "STUPID guy! get off the road!" my daughter has fits, because "mommy, you're not allowed to say stupid becuase you can hurt his feelings" or "mommy said stupid!!!" and then commence to calling each other "stupid!! you are stupid!!" but my fav has to be when i get mad and just make a grunt or a shhhheeeesshhh, brooke fills in the silence with, "mommy was he a stupid driver?" what's it all for? has my effort been wasted on my momentary lapse of mommy etiquette? this tug of war in my head is the toughest game i have ever played. it's me against two little people about 3 feet tall, and many days i feel like they've won and i am lying face down in the mud. but i can't give up. every morning i tighten my grip a little bit more, my footing is a bit more sure. and the tug. well, the tug really isn't all that bad.

good days

Brandon is doing mucho better! he is getting out of bed and walking around, eating much better *he had salmon tonight!, which is such a nice change from the chick noodle of late* he looks very good and our fingers are crossed that he will be home by Wednesday!
my diet....arghh! i was hoping that since my MIL is here is would be eating better and LESS, but so far, not happening. blahhhh. been eating out for every meal and it's not helping at all!! i have this horrible habit of finishing EVERYTHING on my plate *leftovers of a youth when my mother would tell me to clean my plate and not to waste food*. so now when we go out for dinner i have this maddening urge to eat the leftovers off of my husbands plate also as he never even eats HALF of his 12.00 plate of food. so, to solve this prob, i have decided to order soup/salad wherever we go. the prob here lies within the bread i am brought to sop up the soup with. i've been reminded why i prefer to cook and eat my OWN cooking in the comfort of my own home. *note* as i am typing this, i am slurping up a bowl of vanilla ice cream w/ choco chunks in it. i am eating from a kids bowl, but once again, proving i have no self control.if i keep at this rate, i will NOT be fitting into my size 10 clothes much longer. Q...is a 10 piece spicy salmon roll healthy and good for you? hope so, because that's what i had for dinner. and yes, i finished all 10 pieces. although, my son did eat one for me!! self control is on the menu for tomorrow
ok reading...i've been adding some good books to my list lately. some not so, and others GREAT! i'll list a few off the top of my head and upload the pics in a bit. i'll also need to look up the authors, so i'll post those with the pics later!
ok....
"1776" by David McCullough. haven't finshed this one, but i have this fierce love of all things historical. THIS book is history at its finest. it's a story of a single year, 1776, the year of the birth of a great nation. David McCullogh brings fresh life to a year in history that is so often watered down in textbooks. i'm fighting the urge to skip ahead to the end...love love LURVE this book and i give it 5 out of 5 stars!
"The Devil Wears Prada", don't have the authors name on hand (Jane Green i think), but it was an ok book. entertaining but not compelling. disappointing end because i have no idea what really happend with the main characters life. i prefer to read books that leave no q's unanswered, this one didn't pull it's weight here. fun read about a she devil of a boss, but even there i don't think there was enough she'deviling, just a lot of complaining from her new assistant. 1.5 of 5 stars
"Little Earthquakes" by Jennifer Weiner. i've yet to dislike anything she has written. i'm halfway through this one and i'm loving it. very cute book about babies and how these "little earthquakes" can really shake your life up! the story of four very different women who become friends while preggo, their lives and secrets. great book to keep by the nightstand. 3.5 of 5 stars.
"The Historian" haven't started this one, but i'm impatient to so i think i'll add number 3 to my current reading list (i'm known to be reading more than one book at a time. one for bed reading *usually one that doesn't require much thought*, one for outside when the kids are playing and i don't have to have all 5 eyes on them so i can be totally immersed in a GREAT read, and one odd/end book that i carry in the bathroom with me ...umm too much info, but anyhow)
"Prep" by Curtis Sittenfeld. finally finished this one, but only out of sheer determination, hoping that i would get some great nudge of enlightenment along the way. didn't happen. i was lead tediously though the high school years of a very average, mostly exasperating girl. the only thing i liked about it was the end, when i found out what all of her old school mates were doing at 30...read the first and last chapter of the book, you won't be missing anything and you'll have gotten the jist of the entire book. and saved yourself a lot of time. half a star out of 5.

I know i've read a lot more over the past few weeks that i haven't been posting, but since i keep a list i'll get it out and give you my input later!!

I took the kiddos to the State Museum on Friday as a reward for being sooooo good while we were stuck in wating rooms last week. we had such a nice time and i have hope that my kiddos will carry on my love for learning and HOLD ON TO IT through their school years! i look back and regret a billion times that i let youth and friends take place over learning....maybe that's why i gorge myself on as many odd and ends that i can now! right now we are on a "planets kick" and i am relearning (is that possible or even a word??!) things about the galaxy and the worlds around us. right now, i am fascinated by Mars.....if life every really existed there and COULD life ever exist there again? it's fascinating really.
well i've gone on enough and i think i've written enough to last the week....last i want to say....
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY TO MY DAD! I love you and i miss you already....wish i could be there with you this weekend and give you and Daryl grief about not wearing a helmet on those dirt bikes!!!! now you've given me something else to worry about!!! i'm sending 10 hours worth of hugs and love your way..........

too busy, sick man, visitors (here's the nutshell)

Been a while since my last post and here is why. my hubby has FINALLY go tthe ball rolling with fixing his lung problem and the past 2 weeks have been spent with him being home and trying to keep this house in some sort of order! he is NOW at the hospital after having surgery this afternoon and is doing well but is in ICU for the night and hopefully he will be moved to a room tomorrow evening. thats THAT in a nutshell. my inlaws are here and my MIL will be here for about a month. my dad and sandra came this past weekend to check on B and to see me and the kiddos. thats THAT in a nutshell. right now i am way too tired to even be ON here, but i am waiting on an important email for my FIL so i am trying to stay awake, even though i have to be UP at 7 again in the morn. oh the joys of living on about 10 hours sleep streched out over a 3 day period. gone are the days of normalcy, welcome insanity. i'll try to make time to catch up and make my blog interesting once again, but for now, basics will have to do! shel, i hope you are having a great summer, you need to e-me soooooon! (as in right now)....read a few new books the past 2 weeks and will post those sometime when hubby is home and stuck in bed. i'll leave you w/ one......"One Sunday Morning" by Amy Ephron, i read good reviews of it, but was terribly disappointed b/c the book was precitable and a bit boring. a waste of an hour if you ask me, but try it for yourself and lemme know how you like! also, keep sending me YOUR reviews and i'll pass them along to my book club...i need a new list of good books as the one that i am working on hasn;t impressed me all that much,ahhhh i'm shutting up and i'm off to bed.

it's a zoo

this is a pic of the kiddos with their friend Brent taken last week at the zoo..i think it is toooo cute! my friend Melinda had a lot more pix but this one sums them all up so it's the one i decided to post! see how long Brooke's hair is getting?? we had fun (and yes i got another pistachio ice cream! i really need to find out what brand they sell at the zoo b/c i lurve it!)
THE SUN CAME OUT TODAY!!!! that statement is deserving of all caps! the ground was still is bit yucky so we didn't go to the park, but we have Pooh Park in the plans for tomorrow...Brandon's going with us for the first time so hopefully he will feel like a walk in the woods b/c the kiddos (esp Brooke) have been begging to go and "search for waterfalls" can't wait to get out tomorrow!!!
weird news...freak me out news.....ok, you know that i cleaned a few houses when i lived in Fl while the kiddos were at pre-k? (boredom buster and easy money in my rainy day pile) anyhow, i cleaned for this man whom i thought was just a sweet lonely older man...he was on disability so he didn't work...he seemed a little odd but then who isn't odd in some way nowadays. anyhow, last night my mother in law (who knows him) called me to tell me he'd shot a woman and there is an APB on him in Panama City....!!??!??!??!?!what the!??! had me really freaked to know that the week before i moved here i cleaned his house for the last time, and when i moved, i'd passed it on to an older friend of my MIL's and she has been cleaning it since! no one knows why he did it (did he just snap or something!!?) but it's really weird b/c he always seemed like such a nice man!!!! ughh so glad i didn't give him a Christmas card afterall...
we cut open our first watermelon of the season today and it was yumyum! the kids wanted theirs cut into "big moons" and even Hobbes got in on the action! i got some really cute pics, but as i took them with a disposable, you can't see them!! nanana
hubby has been home all week long so naturally it's felt sort of like a vacation so i haven't gotten anything substantial done around here. take that back, i scrubbed my stove today and mopped the floors and cleaned the bathrooms. but not 4 hours after i did it all, my house is a zoo once again. arghhh the joys of being a wife and mom

long week...end??

ah this week will be the longest in history. nasty weather out so that cancels most most of our playdates. stuck inside but i won't give in to the rain!!!! so i am thinking of taking the kiddos to the State Musuem tomorrow. so that will knock out about 4 hours tomorrow.
my brother in law and his girlfriend were here for the weekend and it all went pretty well. i was up in knots about him bringing a stranger into our home, but surprised to find out that i had met her last year at my hubb's company pic-nic. she's a nice girl...and we had a very good time!
Brandon had his Dr appt 2day and (surprisesurprise) he has to wait until the thoracic Dr gets all of his (spread out EVERYWHERE) records b4 he can schedule anything. PLUS since brandon has bronchitis, he can't do anything just yet anyhow. we DID find out that the surgery will take 4 hours and he will be in the hospital 4-7 days, maybe more.my MIL will DEF be coming and staying a while and that is GREAT! yehawww...i am just ready for him to be FIXED.
my writing is very mundane and blah today, which is quite the reflection of how i am feeling. see what the great INdoors does for me!??
i'll post the books i read last week in a bit...and post the ones that i got 2day and will start on THIS week.
OH and i am checking into getting my realtors liscence. i want to do SOMETHING when the kiddos start school that doesn't require a lot of hours...we'll see.
does anyone know when the next season of nip/tuck starts?
and i just have to write about this...the other day the kiddos were making their own lunch (bologna and cheese) i asked them if they wanted mayo or mustard on their sandwich and brooke (as usual) wants only mustard (but "not the sandy kind") and i just HAD to laugh when bub said, "I only want a lot of man'days mom. jus' man-days (mayonaise) hehe. sooo cute. i love the way kids put their own spin on words...

Audrey Daron Lunsford

My brother called me on Tuesday night to tell me that my friend Vangi's husband, Daron, had been kiiled in Iraq. It blew me out of the water. Vangi is a year younger that I and she has a nine month old baby girl. I called my dad today and found out that his remains would arrive in Delaware on Saturday and in Batesville on Sunday. The funeral is going to be next Thursday. I wanted to include a link to his picture in his honor on my blog today. With tears in my eyes, I've looked at his picture....and remember the young man that I met for the first time in October and saw again in March....I have tears in my heart for my old friend, imagining the pain she is feeling. Thinking of the sacrifice that not only he has made, but the one that SHE and her daughter have made as well. My thoughts and love are with you Vangi....I hope Daron's memory will give you some bit of comfort now when you need it most......~alisha~
please PLEASE click the link.....and take a look at the men and women who have given their lives for freedom. SPC. AUDREY DARON LUNSFORD

scare of my life

i had THE scare of my life today, but i don't want to talk about it just yet. that's how upsetting it was. so while i am shaking the memory off, i will try to find something else to write about. hmm. the weather looks good. dog barking incesstantly is driving me out of my mind. kiddos outside throwing dirt over the fence at the neighbor kids (and making some sort of weird barking noise while they are at it) headache is still hanging around. making fried rice for dinner (hoping it turns out as well as Aunt To's , but doubtful since i am working on memory alone.)
exciting eh? with all that behind me, i want to talk about season finales....Desperate Housewives was good....but the relationship that i am most interested in now is Bree's and the CREEP ME OUT pharmishist. hate it that her husband died, but after all that's gone on w/ her this season, don't guess there was much room for a happily ever after storyline. and WHAT is UP with the new neighbors? will have to wait and see like everyone else i guess.......Grey's Anatomy!!!!!!!!! OMG!!!!!! i can't get the "I'm so sorry" out of my head!!!!! what a surprise....and for once on a season finale i am TRULY surprised.....and mad at Shepard. UGH. but i still love Patrick Dempsey (who is one of the most drool worthy men ever EVER!!!) "I'm so sorry" "I'm so sorry" ARGHHH when does this show start again!!??! and what ever happened to that show "American Dreams"???? i really liked that one.....now the only other finale i am interested in is American Idol....once this is over, my family can have their tv's back.until next season anyhow.
enough tv,
now that my mind has been sufficiently distracted, my scare.....
we went to the pool 2day after an appt i had. Brooke had on her swimmies and KNOWS never to take them off. so, i was twirling bub in the pool and Brooke was on the steps behind us. (not 4 feet away) i realized she had gotten quiet (no splashing or gabbing)....so i turned around thinking she'd gotten back out and was eating Goldfish, but she wasn't. she was laying face DOWN in the pool. her little legs were just barely moving as if she were trying to kick herself over to the side. i DIED 5 TIMES and jerked her up out of the water. she just kinda gulped real hard and looked at me all terrified. she wrapped herself around me and we just sat on the edge of the pool, both of us shaking like leaves. i couldn't let go of her for about five minutes...i kept picturing her in the water...i will prob have dreams about it tonight. when she calmed down, she looked up at me and said "Mommy, that's why you should never hold your nose and close your eyes to go under the water" the EXACT same thing i tell her everytime we go to the pool. maybe this time it really sunk in. literally. ah, i can't even begin to think of what i'd be like if i'd waited ONE more minute to turn around. thank GOD for mommy ears.

book.......................ends

so my diet is a bit off again today. cup of coffee and 2 muffins for b'fast. muffin and water for lunch. cookie (1!!). leftover gumbo and rice (again) for dinner and 3 cookies after. drank water w/ meal and green tea now. oh and i snuck half a buddy bar in there somwhere today. not TOO bad, but day is not over yet.
here are the book's that i promised...


"The Bachelorette Party" by Karen McCulloh Lutz is a great read! You may recognize her name because she co-wrote "Legally Blonde" and "10 Things I Hate About You" as seen on many of your t.v.'s Very VERY funny book. This is one that you will want to finish in one sitting....love it love it LOVE it.
I haven't started on "The Painted Kiss" yet but when I do, I'll get back at ya.
"The Virgin" by Erik Barmack wasn't all that great for me, but then, I am not MALE. this book did give a fun twist to pop culture through a male perspective, albeit a loser male perspective. sardonic and a bit clever (reluctant there) and i guessed the ending far before i should have which doesn't make for a very good read in my book. try it for fun if nothing better to read.
"The Tipping Point" by Malcolm Gladwell is my obligatory "smart book" that i force myself to read so my mind won't get all muddled by the otherwise no thought required books that I usually read. I love Malcolm Gladwell (not in a seedy way, eh) but i like the way he thinks. i liked this book better than "Blink". and I proclaim MR Gladwell the "human nature guru". must read...go get it YESTERDAY.
oh yeah, and if you move your cursor over the books, you will see the line "hosted by image shack" but if you CLICK on the image you will be directed to either the author's webpage or Barnes and Noble....

so that's it for now.....hope i've inspired you to pick up a book....oh and i am thinking of adding another blog to live next door to this one, only it will be all about the books that my kiddos are reading.....that list is wayyyy long, but i want to get it up here someday.
off to watch "Lemony Snickets'" w/ them right now....bringing out the popcorn w/ yummy butter...see i told you the day wasn't over yet. sayonora diet

you saw it here first

on refresh yourself on my 5-3 post. those of you who watched the OC tonight and saw Seth reading "Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs" by Chuck Klosterman.....YOU SAW IT HERE FIRST! yes yes i've already read it. and as i've already said, you must read it. i'm sure it will now become a staple of pop-culture (as it should be). but i read it first. heh.
so i went to the pool today w/ the kiddos and a friend of mine, Melinda and her boy, Brent. she's 35 and looks better in a bikini then i ever have in my LIFE. kudos to her....we had a nice time and my boy has finally found someone he loves to play with! i like to watch them together. Brooke was brave and swam around on her own all over the pool, as did Brandon. Brent also decided to give it a try and strapped on a floatie and swam around some for the first time.
i'm working on a few new books, no rush b/c i've been busy and i haven't had much chance to read....and i;ve been too tired at bedtime to even flip the first page. i did read a few last week buy need to find the covers to post on here....procrastinator i am, i'll post them later. read one VERY good and one VERY VERY bad. will share both later.
so my diet was last on my priority list today. big red's visiting so i don't care much really. funny how all my resolve goes straight down the drain when the red eye comes to town. here's what i ate today: orange/strawberry drink for b/fast, 2 cookies b4 swimming, leftover prosiutto cream pasta from last night, 3 more cookies, more than a cup of cheese nips, another cookie, and i just ate a bowl of rice and chicken gumbo. argh. should've started w/ coffee or green tea. no worries, after all, tomorrow is another day.
just saw my frist trailer for Dukes of Hazzard. think i'll see this one in the theater. try to anyhow. ok, kiddos are done w/ dinner so i am off here to play another game of Memory (3rd time today).

!!kiddos back!!

so i've been too busy to post anything the past few days, but I have a very good excuse....my kiddos are home!!!!!! i went Friday (yes 3 days early) to get them...Brooke almost ripped her carseat to pieces when she spotted me!! i could barely let go of them. but now i sit at my computer in utter contentment...they are just a few steps away! Bub woke up this morning with a headache. he told me that his bed gave him a headache and that i should hold him until his headache went away! (this was at 7 in the morning) so he fell asleep on my arm while we were watching "Rescue Heroes" for the fiftieth time. well, afternoon rolled around and we were trying to think of things to do. when Brandon asked Bub if he wanted to go swimming, he popped right up and said "oh yes! i think swimming will make my headache go all away!" oh the things that come out of his mouth! after swimming (btw, Brooke swam around ON HER OWN for the first time...she had a floatie but this is the first time she's ever let go of me!) we came home, packed a lunch and went to the park for a picnic. we took Hobbes w/ us and had a nice time. a guy came walking up with his dog (a minipinscher) and Hobbes, who barks like a Rottweiler all the time) jumped right up in Brandon's arms and started shaking like a leaf! it was too funny. GOOD NEWS: Brandon's Alpha-1 test came back negative so that's a big wipe off the forehead. now if only he could get that surgery to fix his lung scheduled next month and he will be well on his way back to normal. well, as normal as my weirdo man can be i guess. ok, now i'm off to clip my Sunday coupons....oh yeah, and the answer to my Q a week or so ago....what is the most contagious thing in the world? ans: a yawn. yawwwwwn. tell me, did YOU just yawn?? even typing the word makes me YAWWWWWN

the garage

i repainted the pantry, painted a shelf, finished the laundry, and cleaned out the garage yesterday. i came to a box of my Mother's things and i found her bag of hair things. bobby pins, scrunchies, picks, etc. these were things she used before chemo.... i was looking through the bag when i saw a piece of hair. a piece of my mother's hair wrapped around a brown bobby pin. i slowly unravled it so that it wouldn't tear. i held it up to the light and just looked at it. i was touching TOUCHING a piece of my mothers HAIR!!!!!!!!! i frantically dug through the bag to find more. each time i found a piece i added it to the small pile in my other hand. when i couldn't find anymore i sat on the floor and looked at it. this only tangible, touchable piece left of my mom. and it's here in MY hand. in some strange, perhaps twisted way, she was there beside me again. i felt her watching me. and i cried. for the first time in a very long time i didn't bite the insides of my cheeks to keep from crying. i didn't close my eyes to blink them away. i didn't swallow that lump in the back of my throat that pops up everytime someone mentions her name or calls me on Mother's day to see how i am doing. i wasn't okay. and i didn't have to be because i was holding a part of my mom right in my hand. afterwards i put on her glasses and looked at myself in the mirror, and i saw her looking back at me. never before has the statement "you look exactly like your mother" been so important to me. i realized that while i held her hair in my hand, the physical part left of her, in MY HAND, i was holding the rest of her. she was everything i am.everything i hope to be. the rest of her is tucked safely away in my heart....and nothing, not even the selfishness of death, can ever EVER take her away from me.

monday sans kiddos

ok so i planned on having the garage finished, the pantry repainted and all of my laundry done by this time (9:00pm) and well, i picked up a little trash in the garage and washed ONE load and didn't even look at the pantry (unless you count getting the brownies out of it looking at it) so pretty much NOTHING on my to-do list has gotten DONE. so i'm adding 2day's list to tomorrow's list and i was planning on laying by the pool w/ my book tomorrow.all day. icksnay on that eh?
so my MIL called me this morn and let me know that my boy is missing me and wanting to "go to my mommy's house because i miss my mommy and my hobbsey" ahhhhhhh makes me feel even worse about them being gone. dang i miss my babies and i am doing nothing but watch TV to distract me......they are taking pics 2nite on the beach in PC so i am waiting, very impatiently i may add, for her to call me and let me know how it went AND to hear their voices again..
i used some of my M'day giftcard to buy a food chopper i've been wanting for a while @ BBand B. didn't need anything else or find anything else that i really wanted so i'm saving it for whenever i am in need of a shopping fix. i love giftcards b/c i love to get exactly what i want and never have to return anything.
my man and i have been having a nice time acting like newlyweds....i rented "Meet the Fockers" for us to watch 2nite but it may turn in to a tomorrow night movie b/c he won't get off until midnight tonight. sucks b/c i hate being alone at night.....good thing is, it's just for the night b/c he's filling in for someone else....
off for now, hopefully when i check in tomorrow at least half of my to-do list will be finished...tune in for the cliff-hanger......

weekend post

my kiddos left about 3 hours ago for Florida w/ their nana/pappy and i am already feeling lost. i cried like a baby when the door closed. weird maybe but i've said goodbye to someone thinking i would see them again too many times. and i know it soulnds horrible to say it like that, but i live in fear of losing them...so i stepped on out on what little faith i have and let them go for a week. but i will be calling 10 times a day...
this will be my last post for the weekend...hoping i will stya busy and my man and i are planning on fishing tomorrow....
here's a piece of a poem that i will leave behind...

If Roses grow in Heaven,
Lord please pick a bunch for me,
Place them in my Mother's arms
and tell her they're from me.
Tell her I love her and miss her,
and when she turns to smile,
place a kiss upon her cheek
and hold her for awhile.
Because remembering her is easy,
I do it every day,
but there's an ache within my heart
that will never go away.

Happy Mother's Day to my mom....i love you and i miss you more everyday...

recent reads

AK! just realized i wrote a book that last entry...so here's a look at what i am reading....



haven't started on M'Chair, but Cocoa puffs is the most over analyzing books that i have ever read. Chuck Closterman explains our lives in media terms...why we think the way we do and act the way we do...and he bases his info off of all forms of mainstream media...it's a very good read..you'll laugh and you'll go hmmm. 4 and half stars.

catch up

so i've been lazy about posting on my blog. spent yesterday afternoon by the pool and my chest got blistered. ugh. planned on going doing the same 2day (laying by the pool, not getting blistered) but thought that my chest had already been subjected to enough heat for the time being....hopefully it'll fade in a day or two. kiddos leaving on Sat w/ my man's parents...while it will be nice to have a little time to ourselves, i think i will go stir crazy without them. i've never been away from them so long when i didn't have anything else to keep me busy (the other times i have been away so long were when i stayed w/ mom a few times @ the hospital and when she died last year...so my mind was very occupied)..this time, i dunno WHAT i will do!!!
i have a Q and i will give you the answer sometime this week...i want to see how many of you can answer correctly....
What is the most contagious thing in the world!???
This is not a trick Q and i want your honest answer!! I think you'll find the correct answer very interesting!
Learned a very important lesson in Life101 Sunday night. i painted a small stool that my mother made when she was in the 10th grade. it was just a plain wooded stool that at diff times in its life has been used as an end table, a nightstand, a footstool, and even a toilet paper holder. i painted it a nice semiglossy creme and had hopes of putting it in the corner of my d'stairs bath. i left it downstairs overnight to dry and when i got up the next morning i was face to face w/ a very shabbily painted stool. it's creme now, but there are strips of the old brown wood peeking through the pretty paint. it's not a better version of the stool, only a differnet version. what did i do wrong!? then it dawned on me. i didn't prine my stool. b/c it wasn't primed, all of the old paint was allowed to seep through. so, in a way that is all my own, i applied this to life. often we get in a rush to do something and we don't take the time to prime ourselves before we jump in the paint bucket. i remember being in middle school wishing i could hurry and get to high school, then getting to high school wishing i could hurry and get OUT of school altogether. after that came marriage, quickly after that kiddos. did i really have time to "prime" myself for all of those big changes that happened so quickly in my life? now i work to be a better wife, mother, sister, friend....i "prime" myself every morning, in hopes that one day someone will look at me and see a well primed nicely "painted" person. one day, when my kiddos are a bit older, i will buy them a stool and let them paint....and show them that nothing in life should be rushed, because when it is, it never turns out to be the pretty object that you have in your head.

we were only freshman

heard a line from a show last weekend that's been stuck in my head ever since. "we're grownups. when did that happen?" weird how time changes you...sure i still like most of the same things i did when i was in high school. i like a comfy pair of shoes.still like to have a nice time with a few friends. still love any kind of ice cream. still love a good book. but time has changed my perspective......i no longer like to wear those shoes until the sole spilts. a good time with my friends doesn't consist of a drink in each hand and 3 or 4 already down. still love ice cream but i can't eat a pint in one setting anymore. good books are still good books.....THAT will never change. things that once made me laugh somehow don't. the funniest people in the world are my kiddos. the songs i like the best are the old ones. i no longer try hard to get people to like me. sure sometimes i feel awkward around new people, but it's not like it use to be. now i look for a way to make BOTH of us more comfortable instead of wondering if my outfit is just right or if i will say something dumb or talk too fast. b/c chances are, i WILL say something dumb entirely too fast!! (that's just the way i am....) and i am starting to see my mom in some of the things i do. i was playng around with Brandon's keyboard the other day and i was watching my hands. i have my mother's hands and i never realized it. mine aren't as scarred as hers were, but they are hers nonetheless. i look in the mirror and finally see what everyone else has seen my whole life. i see her eyes. her smile. her laugh.and sometimes if i look close enough i can see the best in people. just like she did. so maybe i'm not a hopeless case of selfishness. maybe it's just a process. and maybe iam finally realizing that. the other day my daughter said to me(and she says this quite often)..."mommy, you're the bestest mommy in all the world" and i have to be. because that's how she sees me. not bad, not mediocre. the best. and with time's help, i think i am well on my way.

nuthin

don't really feel like writing but u need to know that while i think i'm dying, i am still breathing at least. something about being a woman...or maybe it's just that i'm being a mommy....whenever anything hurts, be it my head, my tummy, my chest or my toenail, i think i'm walking on borrowed time. weird. so i think i had a bad cup of coffee this morn. when i say bad i mean caffeine overload. i think they Quad'd my beans or something, b/c about 10 min after i finshed my cup i had a massive migraine set up camp in my head. not even midol helped. and of course, this on a day that i actually had things to do. then around 5 (i had the joe around 10)...my stomach went to town on me. thought i was going to have to pitch tent in the b'room but took a quick lay down on the couch and felt betta. made eggrolls and had to literally prop myself up on the counter to roll them (btw, i make hella good eggrolls, better than the chinese**ask my hub if u don't believe me) they were yum as usual but the rice was ergh. i used leftover basmati from dinner last night (i made chicken curry) and forgot about the curry seasoning in the rice so i had indian/chinese rice 2nite.
one of the kiddos made a nice little turd in the tub 2nite. YAAYYY another yummy for mommy to clean up! finally got them to clean their rooms GOOD...and after book at bedtime we talked about what they want to be when they grow up....Brooke still wants to be a ballerina and Bub still wants to be a doctor...but this time he wants to go to "mystery places with pirates when he comes home from work with his doctor friends"....lol.....my kiddos are the AB greatest.

sundaysunday....nana nanana

found out what would happen if you left the water running in your kitchen sink for 30 minutes. and i must say that they are rigging up sinks pretty well these days b/c it was nothing like you see on TV....no mess. nothing. so in a way it was a bit disappointing....the water just neatly ran over into the other side of the sink. blahblah
went g'shopping this afternoon and stopped by World Market. i've found the cannister set that i want finally!! i bought the pasta jar and i'll go back next week to but more pieces to the set...really cute, clear glass w/ silver metal labels. clean and neat...kinda the new thing i;m doing w/ my kitchen. it's so hard to decide how to deco my kitchen b/c there are so many diff looks that i like. soooo i've decided to take bits and pieces and mix them all. i want to paint but now brandon is talking about buying sooner than we'd planned so i'm putting THAT on hold. i have a new addiction. drawer pulls. drawer knobs.drawer hardware. whatever u want to call it....i can't get enough! i bought a set on e-bay last month and i found another MATCHING set 2 days ago...hopefully w/in 2 months i'll have enough knobs to cover every drawer. patience is a virtue that i am learning.
killer toothache that's reminding me to make dentist appt's ASAP.
kiddos and i were watching Food Network 2 day and they were inspired. so i let them create their own lunch. they were so excited! as they pulled bread, cheese, mayo, chocolate syrup, and sweet pickle relish from the fridge i wondered if this was such a good idea. but they were beside themselves w/ excitment over their own creations that they ate every last bite. yum

saturday

hole in my head....that's how i feel 2nite. someone has taken an ice pick and jammed it right into my left temple. 3rd day of big red so the headache comes w/ the territory. took the kiddos to sparkleberry fair 2day and had quite a good laugh.....there were sheep and 2 sheepdogs there kinda just running around showing off their talents (it's amazing how the dogs stay so focused when there are hundreds of ppl running around and little kids trying to pet them!) they were doing so well, then one of the sheep escaped from the pack......and took off right through an unsuspecting crowd that were coming around the corner....tootoo funny! you should've seen that psycho sheep running like crazy and scaring this group of teen boys...it's even funnier b/c teen boys are always trying to be "so cool" and there they were squealing over a sheep.so funny.....so the kiddos jumped in this HUGE bouncer and i'm one of those moms that watch E-v-e-r-y move and every expression they make and smile like some crazy woman when they do the exact same thing that every other kid is doing.....it's somehow funnier/cuter when MINE do it! bub actually kept his balance better than he usually does when he's in those things. came home, tried to nap, but between kiddos interrupting me every 5 min and muh man's piano playing, i didn't get a good one. did have a nice dream...in it i was married to brad pitt but he divorced me when i forgot his birthday...fickle man..so maybe it wasn't so nice, but brad pitt was in it......

screwed up

i did something yesterday to my blog template and i can't seem to fix it...grrr....i may have to start over which is really screwed b/c i hate starting anything.over.again.
my man has learned to play "This Year's Love" by David Grey....(in an hours time at that...the marvels of me man)yayyy something i like to listen to...actually he plays quite a bit that i like to listen to, but this is by far my fav so far. next on my list is "Chariot" Gavin DeGraw.
took the dog to the vet 2day b/c the ppl were coming to finally fix the moldy MOULDING on our pantry door and find/fix the leak that was the cause of the moldy moulding. felt really guilty that i was leaving him and he made me feel even more like a heel when i heard him squealing from his cage in the wall. sigh. then when we picked him up (hubb got off early and went w/ us) hobbes got car sick and barfed on my seat...and like all things of a liquid consistency, it drained down between the consol. my gag reflux kicked in and needless to say, hubb had cleaning duty when we got home.
then the storm came. my dear darling little girl helped me gather toys from the back yard in a panic...the wind blew them nearly into our neighbors yard (mind you, we have a privacy fence all the way around the backyard so that was some serious blowing) not 5 min later, it rained. stopped. and that was all of the "nadoes" (as the boy called it). oh and while the girl and i were frantically picking up toys, he was standing in the doorway barking out orders. what a little man he is turning in to
planted the rose bush today but spent the better part of 2day keeping my mind very occupied. this "this time last year" replay is not doing my mind any good so i've forced my mind to think of other things. like if heaven is really like they say it is, i'm sure she and ricky are having quite a bit of fun up there. wonder if they wish we were there as much as i wish they were here?
quite that time o'the month and i am craving brownies. diet out the window (sigh, again) i neeed them NOW! they are still in the box yet i can smell them already. time's a wastin' gotta get to bakin'. (yeah i know it's corny but i needed to get that little ditty off of my chest)

good day

so i found out that i will not die some painful death if i miss as episode of The O.C. altough i do feel a bit of tightness in my chest....maybe that's from holding my breath though, eh? (laugh all u want lil bro). went to Finley park 2day and had a really good time. if you've never been u must go..the waterfalls are amazing and the park is just right for the kiddos. i'm trying to stop w/ all the .....'s and i am having a hard time. i think it drives some crazy that i don't type in proper english so i'm making a little effort to make the reading a bit easier on the eyes.but i refuse to use cap's. too much trouble. after F'Park, we went to EdVenture. i love that place! almost as much as the kiddos do. we had a lot of fun chasing each other w/ the spider in the camp room. last night i started crossing my eyes at bub and it terrified the boy! it was too funny esp b/c he was terrified but kept on asking for more. what a goon. so tomorrow marks the one year anniversary of the day my momma died. there i said it. been keeping very busy this week to keep my mind off of it. one year. 12 months.365 days. seems like yesterday yet seems like a lifetime ago. we're planting a mini rose bush up front to mark the day.i didn't think i could miss anyone more after Ricky...but i was wrong.

on the nightstand

took the kiddos to eat sushi 2day (lucky for me they love sushi)...but now i'm dealing w/ sushi breath...ugh. maybe it was the spicy tuna that did it...or wasabi? who knows, but it's quite the bugger. brandon washed Hobbes 2nite and i had towel duty. well dunno what happened but the dog got sick on me and threw up...barely missed my hand but didn't miss my floor...so i cleaned it up since brandon was brushing his teeth. then he did it again.....on his bed...and once again i had to clean it up. i'm hereby declaring this dog my 3rd child. i feed him, take him to the doc, clean up his poop and pee, and now i'm cleaning up puke. didn't sign up for this. wonder if there is such thing as doggie nannies?? 2morrow i'm meeting a new friend at Pooh park....i'm addicted to the place! then *fingers crossed* i'm taking them to EdVenture on thursday after we go to the park w/ another playgroup we belong to....i love when my week is busy and i have something to do besides stay at home and mommy.....

spazz

ok. so my computer decided to poop on me wed night. my computer's power box blew to bits and the dern thing wouldn't even turn on. so the PC guy (PC Handyman Tom Shull who is amazing and cheap and i will pass on his # all u need to do is ask) came out friday and had the wrong part w/ him. rescheduled and he came 2day and fixed her up. so i'm BACK.yehaw. but in place of my computer being dwn i have felt like horsepoo the past few days....felt kinda fluish and just yuck. really need to get to the doc for a checkup. took the kiddos to a really neat park yesterday and halk hiked through the woods...didn't finish b/c we were by ourselves. this morn bubba said something really cute.....i always hug him and ask,"what would i do without you my little??" (little is my pet name for him) he hugged me back and said, "mommy you would just fall on your head!" then he laughed like he had made the funniest joke in the world! it was too cute. read another book and currently working on 2...yes TWO...others.....i discoverd Neil Gaiman andi am tearing through everything of his that i can.. he paints a beautiful and imaginative picture in every book he writes. taking Hobbes to the vet 2morrow....and hopefully meeting some other mommies at the park on Wed.....right now i just need to get rid of this headache that i've been carrying around the past 2 months. 5 days to a year.

~starry surprise~

OMG! was anyone else blown away by AI 2nite? for once i can't decide who i want to leave... Anwar blew me out of the water 2nite....contrary to the judges opinion, i think Carrie was WOW...surprisingly Anthony shocked my pants off, but have to say Constantine was my fav of the night. he blew my socks off!! so, now that i'm blown straight into the water and almost naked, how was my day? i took the kiddos to this children's garden called Pooh Park...which, btw, is this park is incredible.. .going back friday on a picnic *hopefully*...joined a group of SAHM's in NE columbia so some of us are planning on meeting there.....hope it dries up b4 then. 2morrow is Brandon's b-day.....he'll be 28!!!!!!!!!! omg. i remember when he was 13....too funny...we're getting OLD. guess it had to happen someday......will post 2morrw gotta wrap this up b/c the storm here is freaking me out. gotta light some candles or something

stuck

something is stuck in my throat and has been for 5 days. driving me crazy...tv talk....d'housewives last night was soso. the gaby/carlos thing is great....keeps me on the edge wondering what's going to become of these 2...esp now that she's preggo! (with the gardeners baby?????hmmmm) grey's anatomy...not enough Dempsey air time last night, but the show was good. liking this show better than ER....bit more laughs inside all the drama which makes for a nice watch....you get even more blood/surgery action, but you're brought right back from the brink of pukedom w/ a quick quip...wait. wasn't this how ER started? hmm fingers are crossed that G'anatomy will stay around for quite a long time. season finale of Lost is this week...i skip some episodes but will def tune in for this one. i have a lot of unanswered Q's...kinda like everybody else in the world hmm? taking the kiddos and the dog for a walk to the park~~~

recent reads

Something Borrowed by Emily Giffin
Best American Nonrequired Reading

Stardust by Neil Gaiman

aggravation

spent yesterday updating my computer....and trying to get the dern thing back online....i d'loaded a new version of NIS and from that moment on (Friday evening) I couldn't get online....grrr thought it may have been the storm that messed up w/ the server....then found out it was b/c i downloaded the new thing. all's well now *fingers crossed*. so, talked to my brother yesterday and he's may come for a visit this summer if he doesn't go on vacation w/ his g'friends family *fingers crossed that he doesn't...lol* really need to see him and think i am going to go crazy if i don't b4 Father's Day, which, btw, i am taking another 10 hour trip to Ms....was going to fly but ticket prices have gone UP, my guess due to GAS PRICES...tonight is a new d'housewives AND grey's anatomy!!! yipeeeeee....my fridge is full of leftovers...yep, i know what we're having for dinner! also, anyone feel like making a trip to SC to loan me a truck?!?! (need you dad...lol) brandon and a friend tried putting it 2gether yesterday but the pieces didn't fit...hrmmmm....so i have to take it BACK to the store and stuff another one into my jeep...which is NOT fun to do b/c once it's in i can't see the road and i have to stay in one lane no matter how slow it is moving or else i could run right over someone. THEN unloading it is quite a booger. someone HELP! still working on Stardust it is such a good book! i can not stress how beautiful this story is! you must read

weird

ok, so i can't get the pics any bigger. this is driving me crazy trying to fig out how to make my pics bigger...all i can tell you for now is to click on the pic and you'll be directed to Image Shack....click on the pic there and it'll be bigger. argh. i'll figure this out. eventually. working on a new book "Stardust" by Neil Gaiman. reminds me of English Lit....but written in the 21st century. it's vivid and magically written....the man is gifted in prose....i think i am putting this one in the top ten i've ever read...taking a bit longer to read b/c it's actually WELL written and i don't want to miss a line! if you like The Brothers Grimm, you'll like this one. now, spent yesterday morn on the phone w/ a guy from St Leo's...i am planning on beginning online courses this August....applying under Lib Arts...wanna get all the basics out of the way b4 i decide exactly what i want to major in, but i have a pretty good idea (no, not telling in case i DO change my mind) btw, DARYL, if i can do this w/ 2 kiddos @home....get off your bum and do it to~i know you can and i believe in YOU! love youuuuu...hey ginger~ ride him about going back to school ok!!!? started crying in the car this morn on the way back from the post office b/c i miss ya so much~you realllly need to find a job closer to me and move your bootie this way. or visit, which ever's easier.....Brandon went in earlier 2day so i'm sure he'll get off earlier~yehaw~!!

the fam

peel me off this chair

can someone tell me if it's tacky to buy birthday presents on ebay?? not that i care...just ummmm a friend wants to know!!! hehe.....cleaned my entire house yesterday so 2day i am feeling like a really accomplished gal2day! the girl's room is TOTALLY organized and the boy's room has never looked better....freaked the dog out b/c he doesn't like when i move furniture around. he spent 30 minutes sitting in front of the boy's doorway barking at a bookshelf that i pulled out of the closet. if you can call his high pitched squealing barking. too funny. the dog has officially taken my place in bed next to my hubby. went to sleep and he was curled around the dog....all cuddled up nice and cozy. nice surprise when i woke up and found his arm around meeeeee...and the dog on the FLOOR. score one for wife! then Brandon woke up and put the dog back on the bed so maybe his cuddle mistook me for the dog...lol...on my nightstand: >"Funny in Farsi ; A Memoir of Growing Up Iranian in America" by Firoozeh Dumas really good book. Recommend it to ANYONE! really into bios...wonder how i have time to read so much? i'm a "speed reader" and i can read a good book in just a few hours....lucky for me eh?

cuties

crazy world

this is my response to a post i read 2day from a group of SAHM's that i belong to....I remember a time when my mom left our windows open at night and our back door unlocked....when my grandparents NEVER locked their door....when my mom left my brothers and i playing in the front yard and we didn't even have a fence! i live in paranoia that someone will take my kiddos or that someone will hop in my car and we'll never see the ppl we love again. I check and REcheck my windows at night and on TOP of the security system, i have window locks that i bought at Home Depot installed on my babies windows (and they sleep UPstairs)..sometimes i feel a twinge of regret at having babies just b/c of this crazy world that i have to bring them up in....and i wonder what it'll be like when THEY are my age and having babies. scary. am i the only crazy one here?? kiddos are out back right now playing on the swingset that my hubby and i couldn't finish putting 2gether b/c i am too short to hold the dern thing up! bless their hearts....they have the swing seat on the ground are pretending they are flying through the air...weeeeeeeing and everything! silly goons. finished a book 2day "Something Borrowed" by Emily Giffinone of the better fiction books that i've read lately. somewhere along the lines of shopaholic books so of course i loved it....if you've ever stolen a boyfriend or ever felt next best, this book is for you...listening to The Best of Keith Whitley...this voice is a huge part of my childhood. my daddy listened to him when i was little and i remember holding a hairbrush standing on our fireplace singing along to Keith Whitley. found THIS cd on EBAY....for 95 cents...woohoo...but thinking this is my find for the year since i have been searching for a KW Cd for several years.

down

feeling a bit out of sorts 2day. can't stop thinking about mom....keep thinking that this time last year
my mom only had a little over two weeks to live and i was living my life like she would never die. bothers
me to no end. i called her everyday even though all i could understand was *i love you too*...that was enough.
if only i could hear her mumble that again. i was there the entire week before she died...and i never talked to her
about dying...almost as like if i talked about it with her, i was giving her permission to die. silly i know, but i guess
no matter how it all ended, i would have regrets. the last word i heard her say was my name......when dad came to lead me out of the hospital all i did was give her a little hug and kiss and say i'll be back tomorrow. if i'd known that
15 minutes down the road we'd be called back b/c she was GONE, i wouldn't have left. i'd have hugged her tighter
looked at her longer. something. ANYTHING. augh i am going crazy 2day. if you can get to her, go hug yours
today. call her and tell her how much you love her. tell her she's the most beautiful woman in the world. hold
those hard worked hands and kiss them....tell her you're sorry for all the times you never said thank you. ask her to
hold you on her lap one more time in her rocking chair even though you're bigger than she is...think of all the things
you would say once she's gone...and say them now.......i miss you mom!!!!!!!

drooling

sooo drooling over Patrick Dempsey....grey's anatomy is eye candy!!!!!!! now lemme set ya straight right off, i'm no dempsey band wagon gal....i've always had a celeb crush on Mr Dempsey....and I FINALLY get to see him looking yummilishus every week instead of watching JFK , sweet home alabama, me and willy, and tv reruns over and over (which i WILL continue to do...hehe) ahhh he makes me drool and squeal like a school girl........ahh know what i'll be dreaming 'bout 2night..........D'Housewives was good 2night......waiting for a new twist though....anyone have a scoop, lemme know!!!!!!!!!!!! now, i'm going to bed to drown myself in Dempsey drool

scrape me off this floor

...why is it whenever the slightest thing feels different in my body i just know i am about to keel over...felt tightness in my tummy and got icredibly dizzy and just knew i was on my way to the morgue.....always forget what gas feels like until i have a gas problem.......anyone get hooked on Grey's Anantomy last week? the TV stays on ABC every Sunday night....from 7 (AFV)...8(X-makeover home)...9(D'Housewives) and 10 (G'Anatomy)...I am another fixture in the living room.....there for no other reason then to watch TV. leave me alone, go away....hopefully they'll keep the news at 11 so i can get some sleep.............finished my book 2day (The Journal of Mortifying Moment by Robyn Harding) very funny and i recommend it for a good laugh(esp mortifying moment #9)...was in TEARS by the end of this book.....the style reminds me of Shopaholic books (Sophie Kinsella i believe)....which i recommend alsoooo....had red beans and rice 2night and spent most of dinner picking out the peppers and onions from Brookes...she's such a picky eater and i believe she thinks she'll die a horrible green particle death if she accidentally gets one caught in her mouth...oh the joys of parenthood....the swingset is STILL sitting in its' box in the backyard..need to get off my bum and buy a wrench so i can think about putting it together....thinking of adding celeb stuff to my page (i'm addicted to a blog called *pink is the new blog*...and it's really cool) so if i am about to start advertising on here, i'd better find something to keep ya'll coming back.......we'll seeeeee

?what am i doing

ok. so i can't fig out how to write AND post a pic on here together, but i'll get there. swear i'm wishing i had've taken that xtra comp class in high school....now i'm reduced to checking out books from the library on how to create my own page....wanted it to be easy to learn so i got the website for dummies book....may as well be a greek novel.....sigh. getting there slowly. said all that to say this, i wanted everyone to see what a cutie muh lil man is...a friend took this pic (T'Y samantha!!) at an egghunt and i loved it! he's mad at me b/c he thought he had water in the cup, instead it was sprite....love his little yoda ears.....nothing exciting happened 2day....grocery shopping @wallyworld and 4got to pay for some pics that i had developed.....before you cuff me up, i DID NOT DO IT ON PURPOSE! you try getting out of that store w/ 2 kiddos stuffed in a buggy w/ bags and never 4get to put something on that belt. saint i ain't but i am going back 2morrow to pay for them......hubby went BACK to the hospital for his pesky pnemothorax....wish to GOD they'd fix him up............dad A'Fool'd me 2day, called to tell me he traded his truck in on a new mercede's SUV.....granted, doesn't sound like a good A'Fool's, but i'm so gullible....he got a good laugh anyhow. now, gotta find a pic of my grrl to show off on here......

the boy

rain away

can someone tell me if the mini-cooper counterfeit commercial is for real? i LMAO the first time i saw it, the 2nd time i was thought whatt?? it's real!? hmm....went to the library 2day and checked out "Lipstick Jihad" by Azadeh Moaveni, "Blink" by Malcolm Gladwell (2nd time...need to give in and buy it i suppose), and "The Journal of Mortifying Moments" by Robyn Harding....now, just gotta make time to READ. all cooped up 2day b/c of the rain which really sucks when you have 2 kiddos dying to get out! but, giving them credit, they were amazing 2day. watching MTV's i wanna famous face.....???!!!??! what the heeeeeeeey?? the words of Alanis the great Morrisette come to mind...(along the lines of this....) i wish people could achieve what they want to achieve only to find that there really wasn't happiness there at all......(i'll find the exact quote for that later and let ya know)...now, MY bod is far from perfect, but dang, leave well enough alone...P'Surgery is over rated anyhow (maybe b/c I don't have the $ to fork over to have it done...lol) WHAT'S IN THE CD PLAYER................"GUERO" Beck (luv it...very cut and paste, borrowing sounds from all over the board...very Beck...very vague...very good.(happy face)

what a weekend

my wkend was crazy! sat night, well around 3 in the morn on Sunday, my DH's lung decided to collapse again so he went to the hospital (he has a spontaneous pneumothorax)...we was admitted and was going to have surgery to repair it, but after spending the night and a full day and a half IN the hospital, he was released. which is good and bad b/c the problem still isn't fixed...but he didn't have to have surgery.......my in-laws came to be here just in case something went wrong during surgery, but when we got to the hospital that morn, the doc said it;s a no go. felt bad they travelled all that way for nothing, but really enjoyed the extra time with them and i know they enjoyed the time w/ the kiddos!! we went to the zoo yesterday, (forgot it was S.Break....was PACKED..eww) but had a great time. 2day, had a playdate w/ this group of mothers w/ young children (most are stay at home mommies)....it was called International Lunch....we brought food from parts pf the world/country that we are from....(i took crab salad)....it was really nice but a looong drive!!! starting to think that when we BUY, we should do it in Lexington....seems like everything goes on in THAT direction...HAPPY BIRTHDAY VICKIE!! (2day is my sis-in-laws b-day). Quote for the day: "We make ourselves up as we go along." kate green

easter weekend

ahhh... day before Easter. we're heading up to Rock Hill tomorrow w/ my DH uncle and aunt to meet their children for the first time...it'll be nice not to spend Easter alone in COL. 2day the kiddos and i colored eggs and hid them (over and over again ...took me STRAIGHT back to MY childhood) by the 6th or 7th hunt, most of the eggs were busted and the dog was following us around to eat whatever crumb was dropped! planted 10 more tulip bulbs, which is prob senseless b/c they'll bloom in about 2 weeks and die after 3-4 days, but they are just SO pretty! becoming a garden nerd trying to figure out what to do w/ them when they die and what to plant around to cover them up...am trying desperately to develop that green thumb everyone talks about! still debating on Creative Memories...dunno if i have the DRIVE to sale. talk to fast and all, that's my biggest prob....THANKS NANNY...lol ....argh i need to go to bed.

heyya

thanks for stopping by....dunno what i am doing so just try and be patient